Wedding etiquette has relaxed a lot, but a few rules still matter because they're really about making guests feel considered. Here are the ones that come up most, with straightforward answers.
Guest list etiquette
- Anyone invited to the shower or bachelor/bachelorette party should be invited to the wedding. The one common exception is an office shower.
- Plus-ones. Married, engaged and long-term live-in partners should be invited by name. For single guests, a plus-one is a kindness, not an obligation, but be consistent across groups.
- Kids. It's fine to have an adults-only wedding. Address invitations only to the adults and say it clearly on your website, not on the invitation itself.
- Your guest count drives your budget. At most NJ venues, pricing is per person, so settle the list before you book. Our just-engaged guide explains why guest count comes first.
Invitations and RSVPs
- Send save-the-dates 6 to 8 months out (8 to 12 for destination weddings).
- Mail invitations 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding, with RSVPs due 3 to 4 weeks before.
- It's acceptable to call or text guests who haven't replied by the deadline. Your venue needs a final count.
- Registry information goes on your wedding website, not the invitation.
Who pays for what
There's no fixed rule anymore. Many couples pay for most of their wedding, with contributions from one or both families. The important part is to talk early and specifically about amounts, and to understand whether a contribution comes with expectations about the guest list or decisions. Our wedding budgeting guide covers how to set the number.
Family etiquette
- Have both families meet before the wedding, ideally well before the rehearsal dinner. It eases tension on the day.
- Give parents a role such as a reading, a toast or walking down the aisle.
- Divorced parents should be seated and photographed in a way that keeps everyone comfortable. Ask each of them privately what they'd prefer.
Ceremony etiquette
- Consider an unplugged ceremony. Ask your officiant to request that phones be silenced and put away so your photographer's shots aren't full of screens.
- Start on time. Plan for the ceremony to begin 10 to 15 minutes after the time on the invitation at most.
- Reserve the first rows for immediate family and mark them clearly.
Reception etiquette
- Greet every guest. A receiving line or visiting each table during dinner is still expected.
- Feed your vendors. Photographers, videographers, DJs and planners working all day should get a meal. Ask your venue about vendor meal pricing.
- Tipping. Check whether your venue's service charge includes staff gratuity. If it doesn't, plan tips for the banquet captain, bartenders, drivers and other staff.
- Keep toasts short. Two to three minutes each, and no more than three or four toasts in total.
Thank-you notes
Handwritten thank-you notes are still a must, not a text or a social media post. Send them within three months of the wedding, and within two weeks for gifts received before the wedding. Mention the gift specifically and how you'll use it.
